Another little piece

March 31, 2010

Today I just need to be alone. I don’t normally have the energy or even incline to write when I feel like this, but Im forcing myself to do so, as this side of me is as much apart of me as the other.

My feelings have done a 180 today, I don’t want to speak or be around anyone, and yet I don’t really don’t want to be alone. Its a strange feeling, a feeling of being disconnected from the world around me, a feeling of emptiness, loneliness, a feeling of complete isolation within myself. I know it will eventually pass, these are the times that are reserved solely for me , I know the emptiness will eventually be filled, and I will be able to re-connect to my friends again, until then all I can do is ride it out and share this little piece of me.

Peace & love

dx


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It funny how life plays out, life is never how we really expect it to be.
Over the last last year I have been making peace with all parts of my life, facing and dealing with the emotional baggage that I picked up along the way. The indian shamans call it soul loss, or soul theft, where part of your-self is lost, attached to another moment or person within your life. The problem with this is that you never really feel complete, you never feel whole, there is always something missing.

I spent many years trying to fill that void. Sometimes with material possessions, other times with relationships. Being incomplete I would project myself how I thought others wanted to see me. It never worked out, the void was always there, I would always feel like something was missing.

I made the decision to forgive, to forgive not only others, but also myself. To do this I started to contact all of the people who have had an influenced in my life, ranging from love to loss, from loyalty to betrayal. Its was easy to blame others for the problems in my life, how could I ever put such an important thing in the hands of others.

This part of my journey has not been easy , i’ve wanted to give up on many occasions. The hardest part has been reconnecting to the moments that had intense feeling associated with them. The moments that where hidden away deep inside. Facing these moments brought back many memories and emotions, each one having to be re-lived.

I have no regrets in my life, and I accept full responsibility for all of my actions. As i go through this process I look forward to being able to look back, all of these moments and emotions are a part of me, I need to be apart of them. Today was emotional for me on different levels, by facing it I have be able to re-connect not only to people I love, but also too myself. Every moment shapes us, every action defines us. What once was baggage is now something else, something new, something positive.

Peace & Love

Dan x


Fear: Friday 26th March

March 27, 2010

As a child I watched a lot of TV, resulting in me having many nightmares, I would wake up terrified, with images in my head tormenting me. I would hide under my duvet, closes my eyes and try to force the images away, trying to pretend they weren’t there. Having a active mind this never really worked.

What I never realised though is that I would have my eyes closed for the rest of my life, always pretending that the world was just fine, that those in charge would protect me just like my duvet did.

Looking back, I know there was no need to be afraid, that my duvet offered no protection, in fact it only added to my state, my mind would still be active, fearing the unknown.

I see the world like this today, our minds subjected to fear through the excess of media, with the governments (our duvet) capitalising on it. Its so easy to control a person in this state, you simply acknowledge their fear and tell them you can protect against it. Wether it be protection from terrorism, war, health, or the fear of loosing all of the possessions that we believe define’s us, you simply feed the fear.

To grow as humans we need to open our eyes and face our fears, only then can we see the world as it truly should be.

Peace, love & without fear.

Dx


Thursday 25th March

March 25, 2010

Today’s been difficult….. things seemed fine for a while, then without warning it all changed. Maybe its the environment that i’m in, i’m really not that sure. All I know is that I want to escape, its like being on auto pilot. I can look like me, I can even sound like me, but it not really me. It a false projection of me. When it happens I don’t want to be around anyone. I feel no connection to anyone or anything, i’m simply feel empty with a deep resentment of self.

I used to try so hard to push it away, to blank it out, to escape myself by consuming cocktails of drinks and drugs. There was no consequence to this, I didn’t care what happened at all. It would be so easy to do this right now, but I wont. Im now attempting to face this part of me, to understand what it is and to simply write how I feel.

Thats all I can write right now.

Peace & love


Energy Transfer

March 22, 2010

I’ve been thinking quite a lot lately, nothing in particular, but lots of pieces of information and images floating around my mind. These thoughts have always been there, but who has time to make sense of them in the fast paced society that we live in?
In an attempt to find out more about myself I decided to just let my thoughts wander and lead me.

I didn’t try to control or make sense of them, I just allowed them to take me where they would.

Everything on our planet is made up of atoms..the basic building blocks of matter, they have a positively charged nucleus with negatively charged particles flying around them.

So I think it would be fair to say that everything on our planet, and within our universe, is made up of a combination of both positive and negative energy (with of course things like dark matter and dark energy etc, but lets not get into semantics).

The Taoist have known this for a long time. The balance between the positive and the negative, the light and the dark, the male and the female, the Ying and the Yang.

This energy works on many different levels, and when we interact with other’s we can transfer our energy onto them, sometimes positive, sometimes negative. You can be walking down the street and a random person may catch your eye, then you connect to a smile, before you know it you are smiling back, and for that moment you feel that energy flow through you, you are suddenly filled with a warm happy feeling.

On the same note you can be in a great mood, things are going well, its a shiny day in your life. You meet up with a friend, your happy radiant energy shining away. This friend is bummed though, i mean really down, they tell you how bad life is, how work sucks, why there is simply just no point. Without realising it their negative energy has started to transfer onto you, and suddenly your day is a little less bright .

Now lets say you do good things all the time, you smile at people, you help people and you work constantly to ensure environmental issues are addressed etc. In fact you believe so much in your cause that you actively promote it, you tell all of your friends, family, everyone you meet. As always though. there are those who just don’t care about your cause, actually it seems as though they may be totally against you sometimes.

You continue to work passionately and you follow your beliefs, but now you are so wrapped up in your belief system that you actively start to resent those that either don’t understand you or simply don’t care. Why don’t they understand it? It angers you, which just motivates you more. “I’ll make them understand”.

I guess my point is that the universe doesn’t care about your intensions, she doesn’t care what your motives are, or for the reasons you are doing it. All the universe cares about is what energy you are transferring. What type of energy are you adding to the world that we live in?

It’s the combined energy from all of us that makes the word the place it is. Is not others who we need to change its only ourselves.

If you truly want to make a difference in the world all you need to do is share your positive energy with others, be universal with that energy. Telling someone something you like about them may not mean a lot you you, but could change that persons day. We don’t always have to see the results of our actions. I really believe this to be true, you may think i’m a little naive but thats ok 🙂

Im not sure if I made any real sense at all in this post, but thats just how my mind is, I only hope to find peace within myself. Sending positive thoughts peace & love to all of you.

Dan x


While preparing for my journey, I am looking at ensuring I can update my GPS device while travelling.

Ok so here is the problem, I have a Garmin GPSmap 60CSx and a Macbook pro.
First of all the Gramin maps cost too much money, and they dont cover all of the area I will be travelling, secondly to convert them to work on the MAC is a bit of a pain in the butt.

My Requirement
What I need is a solution where-by I can transfer free maps onto my Garmin device, as and when I need them and without having to use a PC.

The Garmin device that I use can only take one IMG file at a time, again this wasn’t really convenient, I have a fairly a lot of space on the Garmin memory card and want to use it up with maps, meaning I don’t have to keep linking my Garmin to my laptop. To do this I need to be-able to compile multiple map IMG files into a single file, and load that onto the device.

There where a few different solutions out their on the web, but none of these really met my needs fully, so here is what I came up with.

Things you will need:-
A Mac
A Garmin GPS
Crossover (http://www.codeweavers.com/products/cxmac/)
GMaptool v0.5.0 Windows Setup (Windows GUI version) http://www.anpo.republika.pl/download.html
Some free maps http://gpsmapsearch.com/ http://mapcenter.cgpsmapper.com/catalogue.php

  • 1 ) Install crossover onto your Mac, once installed open the application.

  • 2 ) Start CrossOver software installer, from the CrossOver Menu.

  • 3 ) Select Other Application.

  • 4 ) Select “Choose installer file” then select the GmapToolSetup050.exe file that you downloaded. (This will create the environment to run the GUI GmapTool)

  • 5 ) Create a folder in your Documents folder and name it “Garmin Maps”.

  • 6 ) Place your downloaded maps into a folder within this folder. (for example I have a folder called cambodia that contains all of my maps for this country)

  • 7 ) Go back to CrossOver and select CrossOver Application from the CrossOver Menu.

  • 8 ) Choose the GmapTool. Once open select “Add Directories”.

  • 9 ) Click on C:/ in the file name box insert a /

  • 10 ) Select /users /crossover /My Documents /Garmin / (the folder you created with your img files in).

  • 11 ) You should now have all of your img files listed. To join them click on Join”.

  • 12 ) You now need to specify the output directory and filename, to do this click on the “Output File” button. Add a / to the end of file name and call your file “gmapsupp.img“. So your filename box should contain something like “C:/users/crossover/My Documents/Garmin/cambodia/gmapsupp.img. Click “OK”.

  • 13 ) From the Join Tab click “Join All”.

  • 14 ) The file called “gmapsupp.img” will now be in your “Garmin Maps” sub-folder, or where-ever you told GMapTool to output the file too.

  • 15 ) To get the file onto your device check out the excellent post here:- The Woodwork.

Peace & love

dx


World conspiracy or not?

March 19, 2010

So whats going in in the world, is there a world conspiracy against the working class, is there plan for world domination and globalisation? Before I dive into this minefield of a subject, let me first share a little bit of background information about me.

Some people may see me as a bit of a hippy, Im spiritual in the sense that I listen to myself and simply follow what feels right, I don’t wear sandals (its too cold in scotland for them) I do believe in peace and love, I don’t have a beard and I don’t hug trees (although climbing them is still fun).

On the flip side, I come from a highly technical background, with over 10 years experience as a subject matter expert in both IT security and IT security audit, mainly within the banking arena. As well as providing advice to clients all over the world, I’ve also done work as an ethical hacker, computer investigations, network design, hardware and software support, telephony design and support, data recovery and various other IT related jobs.

What Im getting at here is that I don’t just believe what i’m told. I analyse everything and process the information, i test the data and the results and make the most informed decision I can.

So….. conspiracy’s

From the information i’ve looked at and what i’ve experienced here is what I know:-

1) War does not bring peace.
2) Every human has a right to be on this planet.
3) Debt is slavery.

War does not bring peace
Lets face it, if you are an intelligent person you know that violence only bring s more violence. The only thing that brings peace is peace, its that simple, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work it out… So with that in mind you really have to start to question why are we at war? Why question it, well quite simply it affect every single part of our life’s. Im not here to provide answers though, i think each person has to come to their own conclusion, these are simply my ramblings.

Every human has a right to be on this planet
Some may question my logic here but I stand by it. Every single creature, plant, organism has a right to be here, i know this because we are here. Again its pretty simple, your not going to need a PhD to follow this.

If everyone has a right to be here, then I would also be bold enough to say that everyone also has an equal right to the planet and resources that it has. (hey thats just my view) What gives someone the right to take a natural resource form the planet and either sell it to others or restrict the amount others can have? (i’ve not figured that out yet)

Debt is slavery
Ok here is one of the controversial ones, but again lets keep it simple (more for me rather that anyone reading)

If you have a society that only functions with currency, which is pretty much the entire world, it doesn’t take long to realise that if you are the sole producer of it and you control it, you can pretty much control anything that operates using it. But lets back up a second, our governments control our money supply don’t they? No not quiet, the world banks control the supply of money and they’re a private bank. :-O

In the IT security arena we would have a massive problem with this, it would be classed as a conflict of interest, you have a single entity controlling a core component that can affect the operation and function of the entire process. Money is such a powerful tool, and has such an influence on every single aspect of our life’s that I have to question how feasible it is to trust a private entity with the control, supply and production of it. As an auditor I would have to know what check and balance is in place to ensure that is it not misused. The problem is that those controls are not in place, there are regulations for banks, but a bank is different from the world bank who actually produces the money.

Anyone forced to operate within a system lacking these fundamental controls and without the option of an alternative choice is in a form of modern day slavery.

So i’ve rambled on a little here, and my head feels a bit more at ease, conspiracy or not, there is something fundamentally wrong with the way things currently are. I hope we can all agree on that. What you do about it is completely up too you, but either way you shouldn’t pay any heed to my rambling, ill keep analysing things and formulating my own views based upon how I understand the world. If Im not sure about something or I have questions, ill use my basic human instincts and not simply take for granted what others tell me.

peace & love

dx

Friday 19th March

March 19, 2010

Well things are all go today…. Due to the bi-polar disorder I have been unable to work for sometime, technically I was still employed by my company, today however my paperwork came through to end all that. It’s a huge relief as thats one part of my life I can now put behind me, I’ve been trying to get that finalised for sometime.

So as well as selling all of my worldly possessions Im also semi-plannig my trip, trying to get photos done for the Exposure night in Glasgow, doing bits of DIY on my flat so I can get it on the market as soon as possible, seeing friends I’ve not seen in a while and attempting to learn a little bit of Mandarin. On the DIY side Im currently in the process of painting my floor (anyone who knows me will know that paint and Dan do not go mix well) needs must though.

With all of this going on it seems like a great time to revert back to a more basic diet, nothing too complex and low sugar intake (apart from natural sugars). This is beneficial in two ways, one the change is easier to take once on the road, and two it saves money. I cant even say i’m a student anymore :-S so its lots of home made soup, cuscus and plenty of water.

I’ve been looking at the things I’m going to take with me…. I still have way too much stuff, I need to reduce my gear down more, this means sacrificing more equipment and clothing. all of my possessions, equipment, toiletries, first aid kit etc, etc needs to fit into a 60Ltr bag, thats pretty damn small.

Right time to get painting again…..god help us all….

Peace & love dx

I’ve started to notice how much I can be wrapped up in stupid tasks or thoughts. How these thoughts and worries can take me away from whats really important, sometimes I can loose my patience with people, or I just don’t want to talk to them. But why should I be like this, there is no reason, surly its far more important to have these connections with our fellow humans?

What has really happened that makes us not want to speak to another human being? I can’t be bothered, they go on so much, they only complain, what on earth has happened to us? There has to be something fundamentally wrong if these people are complaining, or we are too busy, or we just don’t care, there has to be something wrong with us if we cant see that another human being wants some sort of interaction with us.

Our very consciousness is being manipulated, we are living our lives either in the future of the past, we simply dismiss the present, but the present is where everything happens, its where change can be made, its where we are truly needed. Is it because we live our lives at such a fast pace? because we have disposable lifestyles? Why do we have to rush so much?

One thing I learnt while living with the Shipibo indians in Peru, was that when you rush through life, you miss all of the important lessons, the core lessons that bind your mind, body and soul together. When we are whole we can share ourselves with others, our fragmented existence can grow into something complete and and become more than it ever was, together we can make real change.

Peace & love

Dx