Today I looked forward to reminiscing about tomorrow.

March 30, 2010

It funny how life plays out, life is never how we really expect it to be.
Over the last last year I have been making peace with all parts of my life, facing and dealing with the emotional baggage that I picked up along the way. The indian shamans call it soul loss, or soul theft, where part of your-self is lost, attached to another moment or person within your life. The problem with this is that you never really feel complete, you never feel whole, there is always something missing.

I spent many years trying to fill that void. Sometimes with material possessions, other times with relationships. Being incomplete I would project myself how I thought others wanted to see me. It never worked out, the void was always there, I would always feel like something was missing.

I made the decision to forgive, to forgive not only others, but also myself. To do this I started to contact all of the people who have had an influenced in my life, ranging from love to loss, from loyalty to betrayal. Its was easy to blame others for the problems in my life, how could I ever put such an important thing in the hands of others.

This part of my journey has not been easy , i’ve wanted to give up on many occasions. The hardest part has been reconnecting to the moments that had intense feeling associated with them. The moments that where hidden away deep inside. Facing these moments brought back many memories and emotions, each one having to be re-lived.

I have no regrets in my life, and I accept full responsibility for all of my actions. As i go through this process I look forward to being able to look back, all of these moments and emotions are a part of me, I need to be apart of them. Today was emotional for me on different levels, by facing it I have be able to re-connect not only to people I love, but also too myself. Every moment shapes us, every action defines us. What once was baggage is now something else, something new, something positive.

Peace & Love

Dan x


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4 Responses to “Today I looked forward to reminiscing about tomorrow.”

  1. Era Zyhr said

    Love the contrast of the words in your title. Reminiscing about tomorrow is like a melody resounding in different levels to me.

    “The moments that where hidden away deep inside. Facing these moments brought back many memories and emotions, each one having to be re-lived.” – My favorite.

  2. Summer S. said

    My god. When I read this post I wanted so much to bang my head on the wall. I have struggled with my own set of demons and your story is an inspirations to me and I am sure to many others as well.

    I still feel as though something is missing, sometimes. But I no longer try to fill that void in me with material things or relationships. I only try to fill that with a sense of peace and acceptance of my decisions and how it helped mold me into the person that I am today.

    Thank you so much for the reminder.

  3. I like how you ended this. You turned baggage into something else. Who says this idea that “we have to get rid of baggage to move forward?” is the only way? Or perhaps the true meaning of that was to turn baggage into something else. So many people forget about turning the negatives into positives to later draw strength and learning from.

    I like what you said. I have been learning much the same.

  4. Thank you for your comments, I never expected anyone to read my blog.

    Its only through those hard times that we can really grow and discover who we are and what we can really achieve. We are all so much more capable than we are led to believe, we just need to know it in ourselves.

    Peace & love

    dx

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