Sickness of Society

April 7, 2010

Since being diagnosed in January with bi-polar disorder, I have been asking many questions. The doctors say I have a chemical imbalance in my brain resulting in a rapid shifting in mood, the way to stabilise this is to medicate, re-establishing the correct balance of chemicals thus allowing me to lead a normal life.

Ok so just a few questions?

If I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, then what causes the imbalance?
And what exactly is a normal life?

Working in IT for many years I learnt that if you only fix the manifestation of a problems you’re only delaying the invariable failure of the entire system, you need to fix the root cause of it.

Why where my moods changing so much, and why was it getting progressively worse? Was I unhappy / manic due to a chemical imbalance in my brain, or did I have a chemical imbalance in my brain due to me being unhappy / manic? To me this seemed like a pretty important question, yet no-one could provide an answer.

And just what what is a normal life?
No one knows what the the route cause of the chemical imbalance is, yet doctors seemed to know what a normal lifestyle is. Where did this model for a normal lifestyle come from? Who set the baseline? The only conclusion I can come to is that a normal lifestyle must allow me to function within the society that I live. A normal lifestyle for me then, would be based upon the principles of a capitalist social system with class divisions, inequality and a profit driven goals.

I’m used to looking at the bigger picture when dealing with technical problems, so why not do the same in this case. Is it possible that the society within which I live, is in its-self a sickness, and the bi-polar disorder being my manifestation of that sickness?

If this was the case then I could either remove the route cause (ie remove myself from the society) or remove the manifestation of the problem (ie remove the unhappiness and mental anxieties by changing my natural bodies chemicals).

Before I was diagnosed with bi-polar i had lived with it for many years, I didn’t understand my condition so didn’t feel as though I had any options. I simply decided to remove myself from society. This was through a number of suicide attempts (not the best idea i’ve had) however it was only through my constant thought of death and wanting to die that I finally found the strength to live. By accepting my death I was able to break free of the fear I had for life. I realised that I don’t need the TV, car, status, money, etc. I don’t need any of these things as none of them define who I really am.

Things can still get difficult for me at times, as breaking a routine of 34 years can be tough. This is why I made the decision to leave and travel, I am removing myself from society, but this time in a way that I am responsible for. People always ask me how I can do what I doing, to leave everything I have and own. The reason is pretty simple really, I just want to live, and die as a free human being, to follow what feels right in my heart, and to try and make just a small difference in this wold.

Peace & love



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