Clarity from Chaos

August 28, 2010

Well the past week has been a struggle for me, I guess I’d lost sight of my path, in fact I had completely lost my path. I was looking at those safe alternatives, still conforming to that belief system I had worked so hard to escape.

My mind has been full of chaos, i’ve spent days trying to answer circular questions that just spiral out of control. The truth is that it got so bad that I turned to alcohol to numb it down (anything was better than the thoughts in my head). I went out and sat in a bar, I sat there numbly speaking with strangers who where either as drunk or at least as stoned as I was. I’ve been here many times before, in a foggy numbness, my mind slow and the chaos simply a murmur, a slight reprieve from the constant thundering noise within my head. I sat there listening to my new friends who suddenly seemed to be making sense.

You see clarity can come in many forms, its just something that awakens part of you, it can be so subtile that it can be easy to miss, it can be and event of nature, or maybe the words from a complete stranger, but when it happens you know, the realisation hits you.

So there I was, sat there starring at the world, listening to the words of a complete stranger, no thoughts, no questions, no wants, nothing at all. Just that drunken, glazed, half vacant shell. However through this altered state I started to get some clarity, some understanding, I guess I started to hear what I wanted to her, started to hear myself. I’m realised I was still holding onto to something, still hiding behind some fears. This journey is about letting go, letting go of everything, about believing there is something more.

Well That’s where I was Thursday night. Today I went for a walk in the rain, I took my camera, the streets where flooded and I felt at peace, I took photos while I walked, my pace slow and relaxed.

peace & love

dan


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3 Responses to “Clarity from Chaos”

  1. Caz said

    Are u ok ?

    • I’ve not been OK for a long, long time. I’m looking for peace in my life, I have nothing at all too loose, I am simply am empty vessel. I know it wont be for ever though, I know someday I will get the peace I’m searching for.

      wishing you and Ethan peace & love…

  2. Caz said

    I’m enjoying your blog !!! Ur hair is so long !!! Try to relax and enjoy yourself danny .. Try to not think of all the crazyness that had been your life for so long .. Your mum .. Dad .. All that stuff.. So hard for you to have to deal with .. That has always had a terrible effect on your soul .. Even in tennerife .. U had a terrible emptiness .. I wish u well .. Have fun danny .. U deserve the best .. And u should be so proud of your self .. Your a fighter u never give up in my eyes that ls how u were .. And I have learned
    so much from YOU !

    Wow .. Keep up this blog it’s so great ..

    As you say .. Peace and love … C

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