Clarity from Chaos

August 28, 2010

Well the past week has been a struggle for me, I guess I’d lost sight of my path, in fact I had completely lost my path. I was looking at those safe alternatives, still conforming to that belief system I had worked so hard to escape.

My mind has been full of chaos, i’ve spent days trying to answer circular questions that just spiral out of control. The truth is that it got so bad that I turned to alcohol to numb it down (anything was better than the thoughts in my head). I went out and sat in a bar, I sat there numbly speaking with strangers who where either as drunk or at least as stoned as I was. I’ve been here many times before, in a foggy numbness, my mind slow and the chaos simply a murmur, a slight reprieve from the constant thundering noise within my head. I sat there listening to my new friends who suddenly seemed to be making sense.

You see clarity can come in many forms, its just something that awakens part of you, it can be so subtile that it can be easy to miss, it can be and event of nature, or maybe the words from a complete stranger, but when it happens you know, the realisation hits you.

So there I was, sat there starring at the world, listening to the words of a complete stranger, no thoughts, no questions, no wants, nothing at all. Just that drunken, glazed, half vacant shell. However through this altered state I started to get some clarity, some understanding, I guess I started to hear what I wanted to her, started to hear myself. I’m realised I was still holding onto to something, still hiding behind some fears. This journey is about letting go, letting go of everything, about believing there is something more.

Well That’s where I was Thursday night. Today I went for a walk in the rain, I took my camera, the streets where flooded and I felt at peace, I took photos while I walked, my pace slow and relaxed.

peace & love

dan


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21/07/2010

June 21, 2010

Well my flights are all booked, and my leave date is set (16/07/10)… I’ve been spending the week completing DIY on my flat. Its been great, as my friends have all been over to help, and its been nice to spend time with them.

I guess the flat is the last thing tying me here, but the truth is it means nothing too me. I could quite happily just walk out and leave it, I’ve contemplated it a few times. The reason I haven’t though, is because I know that it doesn’t matter if I sell the flat or not, thats not whats important, whats important, is that I do everything I can to remove the physical ties to the life that I used to have. I wish to leave this society as a free human, to experience the world with an open mind, without prejudice, with love and compassion, to enable me to discover who I really am.

Its easy to follow others through life, too follow yourself is the real challenge.

Life is a breath, now i’m awake, I wish to fill my lungs.

peace & love

dx